Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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