Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
