He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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