he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
