i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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