shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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