Well douche your snatch and let's go!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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