i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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