dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
