just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize