SEEEEXXX PLEASE
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
