Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
