ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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