**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
