you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
