So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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