butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
