i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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