Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize