Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Every concussion has its silver lining
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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