If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
