are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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