Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
