Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
This house was built for laser tag.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
