my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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