i permit you to call me
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm having to shit out rocks
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