I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
