im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
