I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
