Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
