I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i came on her dog
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
