I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
