so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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