Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
