He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
