Got a toothbrush?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
