I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
