How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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