Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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