Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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