omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
