I could have mohawked her pubes.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
