I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
