goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
