Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize