this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
