i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
