U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
