at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
