could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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