Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
