why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
