she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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