Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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