thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
