rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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