I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize