I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
as a side note pls kill me
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize