Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
