Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
