She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
