I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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