ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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