Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You took a bar mat shot.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
