Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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