your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Couch. On fire.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize