Where is the hickey?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
