Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
