i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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