Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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