Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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