it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
