Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
