i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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