I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
