oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
