Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
