Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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