Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
