We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
