at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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