Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
did i just pee glitter
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
