Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
