So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
