Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
