So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
