took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
