If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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