btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
