Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
