My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
