I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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